Double Vision- A Look Back

Nate and Lilly have been on this earth 6 months today! I know I already talked about the shots, the heights and weights, the developmental mile stones, but I also wanted to look back to the beginning, to tell the story from my persective. This is going to be a long one..
It all started with an ultrasound. On December 3 2007, I was around 7 weeks pregnant and had experienced some problems. We scheduled an early ultrasound and feared that we may hear the worst when we went in. Sitting in that tiny room with the technician, Brian, the nurse, and my mom stuffed over in the corner, we stared at a black screen with blurry stuff on it. We stared at the technician, our facial expressions screaming "WELL, IS THE BABY OKAY OR NOT?!?" Finally she spoke and we hung on her every word.."Well.. there are two..". "Are they okay?" is the only thing I could utter and the only thing I cared about. "Yes" she said, and then she showed us the tiny little heartbeats, just beating away. Two hearts, in two little blurry blobs, that is the first time we laid eyes on Nate and Lilly (that day, "baby A" and "baby B"). That was an awesome day; the day we went from thinking baby to thinking babies. I honestly don't remember being worried, or thinking "how are we going to do this?" It must have been some kind of ignorant bliss to keep me from having a heart attack during my pregnancy, because I have sure had the thought a few times since they were born!
I was so happy the day (or should I say night-morning-middle of the night?) the babies were born. It had been a long day (to be exact- the longest day of the year- summer solstice!!), and I was in a surreal trans-like state holding the babies for a few minutes, one in each arm, swaddled in their hospital blankets, trying to memorize their faces before they had to take them back to the nursery. They were such a good size for twins (almost 6 pounds each) and overall they looked healthy enough to stay in the regular nursery and not have to be in the NICU. What a relief! The whole next day they got to stay with us in the room. I remember Brian had gone home to tend to Mattie and get a shower, and the nurse brought both babies in and left them in there with me. "How fun!" I thought. "Time alone with my new babies!" So there I was trying to feed Lilly, when Nate started fussing from the baby bed. "Hmm.. how is this going to work.. should I get up and get Nate? but then what do I do with Lilly? Well I can't just leave Nate crying, but I can't hold Lilly and pick Nate up at the same time.." Oh man, thus began the double trouble! Whatever I did, I ended up with both of them awkwardly in my lap in the hospital bed. Thank goodness, the nurse came back in shortly to help me! If only she could have come home with us..
It took a while to get over my post-pregnancy hormone funk, so the first couple weeks are a little blurry (thank God for family help during this time-especially our in house helpers, Grandma Diane, Grandpa Dick, and Grandma Nancy). I just remember knowing in my heart I was grateful and thankful for these two beautiful healthy babies, but in my head I felt quite hopeless and helpless, and very inadequate as a new mother to two babies. Besides an allergy problem Nate had with the formula and some acid reflux/ spit up problems with Lilly, the babies were fairly calm for the most part. The hardest thing for me was feeling like I could not give 100% to either one of them, so they were both getting a cruddy, tired 50% of me, no matter how hard I tried.
Everything got better when I was able to mix in a little sleep here and there. Oh- when the babies went from eating every three hours to every four hours that was a happy day!! Somewhere around 2.5 months, I think. You wouldn't think one more hour would make that much of a difference but it is amazing! Around this time is also when they started to really look at me, like they knew I was their mommy, and smile and laugh. Lilly started first with the smiles and Nate was able to amuse a few weeks later. Talk about making my heart smile! It's amazing how a smile from your baby (or babies in our case) can make you forget that you haven't slept or showered in four days and for that instant that you are connecting with them, you feel so good!
Twins are double duty. They are double dirty diapers, double mouths to feed, double loud screams, double night time craziness, double bath times, double peas spit back at me, double bottles to wash, double carriers to carry, double laundry to clean, double financial stress. What makes it all worth it are the double smiles, double laughs, double play mates, double sleepy faces late at night and early in the morning, double cute naked baby hineys, double photo opportunities, and double LOVE. :)
More than anything, I look at Nate and Lilly and hope they will realize when they get older how much I love each one of them individually and how they are both special to me in such different ways. They already have a very unique bond between the two of them that has been so much fun to watch develop! Any time they are next to each other, they are usually staring at each other or reaching out to each other. It's awesome.
Happy six month birthday to Nate and Lilly. Thank you, Jesus, for our sweet babies.