So a couple of weekends ago, we had a birthday party for a sweet four year old little boy to go to. Lilly was feeling sick and we didn't think it would be a good idea to take her around other kids, but I didn't want Nate to miss out on all the party fun. He had been acting so excited about going to the Spider Man party, so I decided to take him by himself, just him and me. The whole car ride there he was shouting for joy and acting so excited, and as soon as we got there, he FROZE. When we got out of the car, he insisted I hold him to walk up to the door. We went out to the back yard where everyone was playing and Nate was holding on to my leg the entire time. There were lots of other little boys and a couple of little girls, some younger and some older than he is. Several he had seen before, not entirely all new faces. They seemed to all be having a great time riding around on big motorized cars, jumping in the Spider man bouncy house.. but not Nate. Nate just stood there paralyzed. I tried to encourage him without pushing. I have to be honest, I just don't understand his anxiety, and I think it frustrates me the most because I see him watching and I KNOW he wants to go join in the fun, but he is just too scared. It makes me sad, and that day at the party underneath my sunglasses, I got teary eyed a few times watching Nate watching the other kids having fun. If there had been one other kid there who seemed shy or scared like he was, I don't think I would have felt so bad, but Nate (and sometimes Lilly) always seem to be the only kids who are so scared and shy anywhere we go. He never did warm up. He was too scared to get in line to pull the string on the pinata, and every time someone tried to talk to him, or get him involved in the festivities, he avoided eye contact and/or ran away. When we had to leave, of course he was screaming and bawling.. it was as if, if I gave him a few more seconds he thought he would work up the nerve to go have some fun..I know it sounds dramatic, but it really kinda crushed me.
So of course, I'm sitting here wondering if I have done something wrong. It's not like we don't have him around other kids. He goes to daycare every day and we take him to birthday parties, play with cousins, etc. He is around other kids and other adults plenty. WhenI got home that day and told Brian about it, he brought up a good point.. maybe Nate was even more uncomfortable without his sidekick twin sister there. I think even though he would have been scared, he would have eventually warmed up and followed her around. He just seemed so out of place, and I do believe that his insecurity level was raised a notch because she wasn't there with him like she always is.
Lilly seems to basque in the attention when she is by herself, but it has been that way since the day they were born. They had to be under that lamp due to jaundice right after they were born, and I could only take each of them out for 30 minutes one at a time to breast feed. The nurses told me that when we took Lilly, Nate had a fit, screaming and crying, until we put her back in the little baby bed thing (don't know what that little cart is called?), but when we took Nate out, Lilly was usually just relaxed or sleeping, and didn't seem to notice he was gone. Just different personalities, I guess. He has been my little needy sensitive baby since day one. And maybe for that reason, I am sometimes more sensitive about him, about his feelings. I don't want him to feel like an outsider. I don't want him to feel scared. (I know, I know, he's only 3.. but he's my sweet baby boy and I worry!!)
If anyone else with twins or multiples is reading this, does this sound familiar to you at all? Do your kids act differently in crowds when they are together versus when they are by themselves? Every once and a while we take them to do things separately, but I think maybe we will try doing that a little more.
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