Opinions

To all people with young kids who know everything about parenting, and to all people without kids who know everything about everything, LISTEN UP..

Advice can be very helpful, when asked for. I am not too proud to ask for advice. I realize that I have a lot to learn from other mothers. If I feel like something I'm doing isn't quite working (which happens a lot), or I'm wondering if how I feel about something is normal, I seek information from other people who may be going through the same thing.. to make me feel BETTER (better being the key word here).

Opinions are not helpful, when telling someone that how they are parenting is not correct or not how you would do it. NOT. HELPFUL. If you are a mother, you should know that we question every little thing we do. Is this the right thing? Should I be doing something differently? Should I let go a little? Should I hold on tighter? Day care? Stay at home? Ignore? Attention? Nature? Nurture? The list goes ON AND ON AND ON. So, my question is, if you know this and if you have had these insecure or guilty feelings that come with being a mom, why would you make another mom feel bad about the way she has chosen to parent? Maybe you don't know her reasons.

Ok, maybe you don't know MY reasons. Maybe I don't even even know my reasons, but I don't want opinions that make me feel like a bad mom while I am trying to figure it out. And if you didn't have TWO kids at the same time, then please don't tell me that I am doing something wrong, because you just don't know what it is like. I am not saying that what I deal with on a day to day basis is any more difficult than anyone else- I am NOT saying that. Just DIFFERENT.

I know there are people who think I am too restrictive, too routine, too attached and some on the other hand, who think I am too lenient, to relaxed, too detached. I understand they have their opinions based on their experiences, their kids, their basic opinion of me, etc. But the fact is that I prayed for kids for almost four years and the blessing that Nate and Lilly are is not lost on me. I know that even in a mountian of stress, there is always joy where my kids are concerned. I pray every day that I am making the right decisions, and that even when I make the wrong ones, they will always know and feel that they were absolutely the most important and best thing that ever happened to me. Which is, I think, why it hurts when anyone questions my (our) parenting decisions.

I am learning a lot, and one thing I have learned is that every child, every parent and every day is DIFFERENT. Just when you think you have it all figured out, the whole game changes and you have to adjust. I will always be here for my friends/family who have kids and find themselves questioning decisions like I have. But I have learned that I should never make any of them feel like they are not doing it right, or give them a hard time about it. Because they are doing the best they know how to do for their children.

I know I am just venting. But if you know a mother who you think is potty training too late or too early, or doesn't discipline the way you think she should, or doesn't feed them the food you would feed your child, think twice before you judge her. Her situation may be a lot different than yours and none of her decisions mean she loves her child any less than you do.

Sorry this was ALL OVER the place! This rant is not because of any one specific thing anyone has said to me, I have just been thinking about this for a while and finally had to let some of it out.

So please let's just support each other and help each other instead of judging, mmkay??